Saturday, June 14, 2014

my cup runs over...

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life;
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Psalm 24:4-6
Friday was an equivalent to one chapter closed. It was our final Norfolk trip to fetal medicine for Jude's stress monitoring before we begin our final in-utero week in Charlottesville. I wasn't expecting to feel a heap of emotion, but toward the end of the testing, it began to sneak in.
The two ladies that head up fetal diagnostics are so kind and loving. Though many "moms-to-be" pass through their doors everyday, somehow I always felt like I was the only one. I remember them just the same two years ago when I was carrying Eva Hope. I was scheduled to visit that department several times a week with her even though the situation was entirely different. My only issue then was Polyhydramnios (excessive amniotic fluid)...that and far more this time around.
Upon leaving, we exchanged hugs and I left them with Jude's BlogSpot information. They were eager to follow his progress after birth. Those ladies are special to me. They genuinely cared. They have spoken encouraging words of truth over me during an uncertain time; they are treasures to my heart. I mentioned how I wish I could say I might see them again two years from now but wasn't sure since my time is obviously running conceive more children. Lisa gave me the items to take home that had been used to monitor Jude's progress with each visit. She said I needed all of the "momentos" I could find for this little guy.  I couldn't have known how much that would mean until the drive home.  
The only tears shed thus far were just after Jude's diagnosis and were intentionally, quickly resolved. I had a stern talk with myself to be strong for all of those around me. Not such talk. I'd be alone for 30 minutes on that drive home so I took full advantage.  Finally, the flood of tears...

NO, I haven't lost hope. I've only gained more. Through all of those tears, I realized the deep, indescribable love I have for this unborn child. It's the same love I have for all of my unconditional, overwhelming love. There are no real words to adequately describe how I am blessed beyond measure to know a glimpse of this love seven times cup runs over!
My thoughts I have for this little one then soon gave way to when I first knew that the Lord loves me. Eighteen years ago, in His loving arms, He picked up this broken girl and pulled her out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set her feet upon a rock. Oh, how He loves me, enough to bless me with indescribable gifts, again and again! And so, for that cup that continues to run over, I praise Him! ---with an "abundance of praise!" ~Jen

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